Dear Fucktards At My School! You Guys Suck

I'm so done caring what you people think. Fuck everybody. I've been hiding who I am for so long now, you people think I'm a "freak" now yet I've been holding back. Not no more lol. ROFL i can smell cnadle wazx in my breath lmfao.


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watch the video!! but watch this one first then watch that one HAHA



marilyn manson=god

and then i go weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

ok ok from now on, guess what? i'm gonna be me and no one else...you guys aren't gonna like this at all i promise you. I'll probably loose half the friends i have...never get a boyfriend again...i don't care. no more holding back xD

oompa loompas make me happy

How do you put yourself into a coma?

I seriously cannot stand the entire population of teenagers in this country anymore. Hatred isn't deep enough to describe what I feel for everyone around me.Humanity has finally disgusted me beyond what I thought was even possible. I'm half tempted to just end myself now so I don't have to deal with people anymore. I want to just go to sleep and never wake up again. Life is a curse anyway...not much of a point in living it.

今日は

I began shooting Insomniac. I went to my friend Cheyenne's house after school (I most likely just spelled her name wrong btw because I always do! lol) Alex came over too, they are my partners in health, the class I'm making Insomniac for. It was a blasts! We got the first couple of scene's shot today for the footage of what I'm calling "Day 1" it's looking pretty good so far, there is one more scene I need for day 1 but I'm getting it shot on Monday because it needs to be shot at school. Believe it or not I'm actually filming at this very moment for the footage of what I'm calling "Night 1" it involves me proving I didn't sleep all night. I'm probably going to actually stay up all night tonight anyway considering it's Friday. This film has really gotten my creative sparks going, this is a good thing I need the stress relief right now, and the film and other random events have been keeping me away from depression all day. So, yeah, I'm happy! I had a blast at Cheyenne's house, don't think I've laughed this hard in a long time. 

So since you read my blog, you get to see what I am now considering to be the future bloopers of Insomnia from hanging out at Cheyenne's house today. 

 

FUNNY THING ABOUT THIS DOG! WHEN I FIRST WALKED INTO CHEYENNES HOUSE THIS DOG WOULD NOT STOP BARKING ME (AS YOU WILL SEE WHEN YOU WATCH INSOMNIAC, HINT HINT.) SO I WALKED UP TO THE LITTLE PUP AND STARTED PETTING HER AND PLAYING WITH HER NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHE BARKED AND GROWLED THEN RANDOMLY LATER ON THAT EVENING, SHE CAME AND JUMPED UP ON MY LAP AND PAWED AT ME TO HOLD HER AND THEN CLUNG TO ME WITH HER PAW EVERY TIME I TRIED TO PUT HER DOWN LOL

Oh my god! I swear some people just don't get it when you want to break up with them! Sorry, I know random topic change but my ex boyfriend who lives in fucking Fort Wayne, Indiana (which is like way north of where I am) keep texting me ever since I broke up with him, not even a month ago.  He is so obsessed with me, I mean (not trying to sound cocky) but I've had guys be "in love" with me before, but he is by far the worst. He's been begging for me to take him back EVERYDAY since the day I left him. I mean, we do have A LOT in common, I'll give him that. But he is talking about us being soul mates and all that...blah blah, I don't believe in that shit. The word love is so complelty meaningless to me anyway, in my opinion the emotion it's self is fake. A sappy excuse for teenagers to get laid. I used to think maybe me and spade might have worked out if he didn't live all the way in Fort Wayne, and don't get me wrong I tried my hardest to go see him I really did. I even went to extremes, the fucker had me asking a damn teacher if he would take me (he said no obviously, i knew he would. but i promised him i would try my hardest and it was worth a shot...but it was awkward and i wanted to shoot spade for making me ask) And Spade claims he tried to come see me. But like always with these long distance relationships, it never worked out. Then I realized, even if he did live in Indianapolis...I don't know if it would even work out then. He is so passionate about us and wants it to be so serious, I don't even think I believe in the word "love", so I mean I really don't think I should be in any kind of closed serious relationship like that. I've tried to explain to him, but for some reason he just doesn't get it. I mean I still want to be friends with him and all but idk, he is assuming just because I still talk to him means I still have some kind of feelings for him. Here he is texting me at 1 in the fucking morning saying "I love you"...I don't know what to say, I'm just gonna reply with "ok." If I said it back, I'd be lying.

Yesterday during lunch Jesse drew a blue sharpie mustache on my face. So I went to my 5th 6th and 7th literally stached lol. Lots of people were laughing, and some stupid ghetto chicks got a cocky attitude about it, but who gives a shit what they think? 

Anyway, yesterday this one dude with 10,000 furry chins rehed that he wanted a picture but he didn't have his camera and I would have kept it on all day but my stupid mom made me wash it off before we went to my grandma's house. But I told the strange chin creature I would let him take a picture of it today when he had his camera this morning I waited for Jesse in the latin/japanese hall but I couldn't wait long enough since my 2nd period was in the career center so I just had Pancake draw a black stache on me.

Oh yeah and I wore my "don't touche my mustache shirt" to add humor to the situation lol. 

-Reh reh, flap flap. 

Today...

was my birthday! i'm no longer 15 :( but 16 is ok I guess. Normally i don't particularly like my birthday but this one was pretty awesome i must admit. Ginger Fish left Marilyn Manson :( and I was sad at the beginning of the day just thinking about that. But being around my friends and the fact that i got 510 text messages today from people saying happy birthday!!! Yeah I turned my phone off eventually, I'm a bit socially drained at the moment lol. Everyone told me happy birthday today in like every class lol, I feel like if I hear those words again I'm gonna go crazy!

I stayed after for Japanese, it was fun...except my best friend was there...and she seemed really depressed. I tried to figure out what was wrong but she never answered me. I'm kind of worried but I'm hoping if I just giver her some space she'll get better.

After Japanese I was forced to go to my grandmother's house! BLAH! Ehhh it wasn't so bad I guess. She turned 96, our birthdays ironically fall on the same day. We had ice cream cake...but it was Chocolate..I HATE CHOCOLATE. (Unless it's white chocolate then it's AMAZING!)

Last event of the day I went to Student Directed Plays tonight at school, I was a bit late (since my grandmother lives in bumfuck egypt and my mom wouldn't stop taking fucking pictures for us to leave) The plays were alright, but the very last one was AWESOME. THEY PLAYED SHINY MUSIC (it was pirate play ^.^) and then I screamed Shiny and interrupted everything xD But they should have seen that one coming! I hung out with Jesse for a little bit after the plays waiting for my ride and we snuck up on the choir kids practicing. I used to be in choir back in middle school, hell I was even in I.C.C (Indianapolis Children's Choir). I mean, in my younger days I was actually a pretty good singer. But, then I got into black metal and decided to start screaming, that was when my singing voice when bye bye. Lol.

Yeah Abby let me borrow her camera so I could use it when I start filming Insomniac tomorrow. I didn't even get to work on the script today I'm so damn tired. Only thing I'm doing now, is finishing my Japanese homework and going to sleep. I'M FUCKING TIRED.

-GOOD NIGHT

NOOOOOOOOOO! NO NO NO NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! I'M LITERALLY IN TEARS, OH MY GOD NO!!!

Ginger Fish, the drummer of Marilyn Manson since 1995, is leaving the band. His facebook status says:

"I am regretful to inform the fans that I have decided to step down as a member of Marilyn Manson , and see where my life , and the knowledge of my availability cares to take me . I can't stand by to watch opportunities pass me by simply because the knowledge of my availability wasn't clearly expressed by me . I wish my brothers well , and I expect nothing but great things from them . Sincerely , Ginger Fish"

This is horrible. Why does it have to be on my birthday something like this happens. I'm literally in tears. Every band member Manson ever has leaves him! And now Ginger is doing the same thing. I feel like my heart is broken, and I don't even know why. I loved Ginger Fish, he wasn't my favorite but I thought it was so special that he stayed by Manson's all of these years. Who is going to be the drummer now? He keeps getting so many new members lately it's hard to keep track of them now. NO NO NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TELL ME IT'S NOT!! I'M FUCKING CRYING! THIS IS THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER!

FAREWELL, GINGER FISH.

Insomniac

I'm working on a new project for my health class, and on the packet it said we could make a short movie if we'd like. I love directing movies, it's what I want to eventually do with my life. So considering our project must be about sleep, I'm making a fake documentary film called Insomniac about not sleeping for 12 days. The only thing is like usual, I'm procrastinating with witting the script. But I better hurry about because I have to start filming tomorrow!

I once did another project like this for world history last semester back when I was into the whole pastafarian stuff, it was called Ares vs. The Flying Spaghetti Monster. I had also just seen the movie Ed Wood (staring SHINY a.k.a Johnny Depp) and in respect to the real Ed Wood I directed it as horribly as possible on purpose to add humor. Which ended up working out well since the entire class was laughing the whole time and we got an A+



I want it to be more serious with Insomniac though, show my true directing skill. I assure you I am not THIS bad at making movies lol.

I took Jasmine for another walk today, this time my neighbor Austin and his little sister went with me. And I once only wore a t-shirt and my tripp shorts. Thankfully I'm beginning to adjust to the cold! lol. I'm preparing myself for Pluto.  

私はとてもふとっています!

I took a BMI test in health today and IT CALLED ME FAT! :( in which case I'm going on a diet. Lol I'm really hyper and happy for once. Then again I sort of have a feeling it's just me trying to get pass what could be deadly depression but I don't care. Chuck didn't take the break up too well, I can't really tell weather he's sad or angry or doesn't care. But he'll be ok and that's all I'm worried about.

I'm really getting into to this whole astronomy stuff, ironically I'm failing the my space science class (only because of my love for sleeping and skipping) but the stuff I have been paying attention has defiantly gotten me interested.  Especially Pluto, I feel this deep connection between us that I can't explain. I feel so bad for it, Just because it was a little too small some asshole scientist stripped it of it's title. I want to go there one day,  I don't care how impossible it seems right now. Technology getting more and more advanced, we've been to the moon, next will be mars. Sooner or later they'll come up with a way to take us to Pluto. I just hope it's in my lifetime.

I took my dog Jasmine for a walk around the block today, which by the way if you've ever lived in my neighborhood, a walk around the block is equal to about a mile and a half. That and I went in shorts and t-shirt. By time I got home I was shivering from the cold and couldn't feel my arms or my legs. But I figured if I ever go to Pluto it will be ten times colder so I best get use to it now.

BY THE WAY IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, MY DOG IS CUTEST DOG EVER!