Today was a piece of shit, at least the beginning of it was, it started to get a little better toward the end, but this morning and last night were just miserable. I now officially hope that both of my parents drop dead. My dad is super pissed that he has to pay for me to see a specialist for my Marphans problem. He started in last night expressing his anger by screaming at me that it was my fault that I had Marphans because I drink too much soda. (By the way, Marphans is a genetically inherited disease, so if anyone is too blame it's him.) He was scapegoating almost everything i did as a reason to why I'm sick. He blamed it on me being a vegetarian (NOTHING TO DO WITH MY BONES), blamed it on me drinking too much soda (I hardly ever drink soda), blamed it on me not believing in "god" (he tried to tell me it was a curse from satan, blah blah all that shit), he even said that I was "evil" because I was an "incorrigible child" and that it was karma getting back at me. I love how when the doctor discovers there is something deathly wrong with me and all my dad cares about is the fucking medical bills he has to pay, and saying that it's all my fault. We ended up fighting all night, literally, from like 9:30 to about 1 in the morning, then he stormed out of the house, and I couldn't sleep so I ended up calling and talking to one of my ex's who I haven't talked to on the phone in like 6 months, but he always tends to make me feel better no matter what mood I'm in so I thought maybe he could help, and he did. We talked up until like 3 or so, that was when my dad came storming in my room again wanting to know why I wasn't in bed, this lead to another fight and Keith hanging up the phone after hearing my dad. This time we fought until like 5 something in the morning, ending up in him unscrewing my light bulb in my room and breaking it. (This is why I hate it when he drinks) After he finally shut up and went in the living to pass out drunk, I passed out myself from fucking crying, only to wake up again around 8 to have my dad screaming once again that I missed the bus and was gonna be late to school. 2nd day in a row now I've missed 1st period. But I actually made to 2nd today, Dad gave me a ride but we didn't speak to each other at all in the car. I actually preferred that to arguing every five mins. I kind of hoped he would crash on his way back home (considering he was obviously still drunk)
Once I got to school I was told to go to the tardy room since it was still 1st, but I didn't have my I.D on me so I went and hid in the bathroom instead I had my scalpel with me and ended up making a few cuts before falling asleep on the bathroom floor and not waking up until the bell to go to 2nd period rang and woke me up. The rest of the day was shit. I had to go in the bathroom twice 3rd period just to wash off my arms so the excessive bleeding from my cuts wouldn't be too noticeable. Although I'm pretty sure my teacher noticed...oh well, he didn't say anything about it so as long as I don't get reported or something I don't care. The bleeding died down 4th.
I skipped 5th today with Chuck and went to all three lunches, and I got to see Autumn, which relieved some of the stress but once third lunch was over and Chuck left me to go to 6th I felt alone again. But I stayed after school today for Japanese with some friends, and then things started to feel a lot better than they did before. Normally hanging out with my friends in a place where I can unwind a little bit helps on these sort of days, so for once I was glad it was a Tuesday.
After tutoring I went to Autumn's house, the last thing I wanted to do was go home to my dad. One of the main reasons I stayed after school today in the first place. But at Autumn's house I was super tired from not getting any sleep last night so I found myself dozing off a little bit. Then she put the sunglasses on I laughed my ass off.
I'm home now and luckily my parents are both asleep. I just hope it stays that way...
私の父が大嫌いです
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